When I first found out that I am pregnant with you, my entire world was shattered.
Seeing those two small red lines slowly appear on the test kit was like the end of the world for me. Everything seemed to fall apart. All my hopes. All my dreams. Gone in an instant.
What was I supposed to do?
So many things went through my head on that day. I was bombarded with questions, fears, and regrets.
Should I get rid of you?
From whom shall I ask for help?
Should I tell my boyfriend? Will he share in the responsibility of raising you or will he run away?
How shall I tell my parents? Should I even tell them? Will they accept me and forgive me for what I have done?
What shall I do next? How will I survive this devastating crisis in my life?
Is this the end of all my aspirations?
For the first time in my life, I felt so alone. I didn’t know where and whom to turn to.
I was so scared. Confused. Broken.
I did the very thing I said I hated and wouldn’t do.
I wish I listened to my parents’ advice. I wish I didn’t indulge in physical intimacy. I wish I focused on my studies. I wish I didn’t get pregnant this young.
But then, it is now too late for me to wish for all these because I can never turn back time and undo the mistakes that I committed. Now I am facing this dilemma of whether to keep you or not.
There’s a battle going on deep inside me.
A part of me is saying that I should get rid of you to protect my image and save my face, yet the other part of me says that it is not the right thing to do.
Aborting you will relieve me from the burden of having an “unwanted” child, spare me from the pain of childbirth, and save me and my family from judgments and criticisms.
But then I thought, “Will I be happy after I do it? Will God be happy? Will it make things right? Will my conscience be free from the burden and guilt of depriving you life?”
All I could think of was to fall down on my knees and cry out to the One who knows what I was going through.
And as I poured out my heart to God, I heard him whisper softly.
“My child, your mistakes do not define who you are in my sight. Remember that there is nothing in this world that can ever separate you from My love – not even your past mistakes.
If you confess your sins to Me, I am faithful and just to forgive and cleanse you from all unrighteousness, and your sins I will remember no more.
I will give you a fresh start and help you do the right thing. Please trust me when I say that I can make all things work together for the good of those who love Me.
I can use even your worst experiences to show forth my power and my glory working in your life.
The way it happened may not be pleasing to My sight and to yours, but the baby in your womb should not be cursed to death.
I gave your baby that life, the same way that I gave you life.
Know that I have wonderful plans for her and these plans are to give her a hope and future. I will see you and your baby through. Let her live. ”
That moment brought me to repentance.
I was so wrong to think that this was your entire fault.
I want to see you. I want to take care of you. I want to be your mother.
My precious baby, I may have not wanted you at first, but God surely wants you.
I may have not planned you, but God surely has the best plans for you and there are not accidents with Him.
So who am I to take away your life?
I didn’t want you at first, but God surely did. And God changed my heart too.
I don’t want to lose you. I can’t wait to see you really soon, my beautiful baby.
You are God’s gift to me.
I love you.
God loves you and God loves the baby inside you. If you are confused and in need of help concerning your pregnancy, call us anytime at 737-0-777 or send us a message through our iCanBreakThrough Facebook Page. We’d love to talk to you.