Pinag-iisipan mo rin ba kung mamahalin mo pa siya, o tama na?
Na-fi-feel mo ba na trapped ka sa isang relasyon ngayon?
Maraming beses ka na rin bang humingi ng signs kung kailan mo ititigil ang lahat? To the point na nagbibilang at namimitas ka na ng petals ng bulaklak, and instead of saying, “He loves me, he loves me not,” you uttered the words, “Ipaglalaban ko pa ba, o ititigil ko na?”
Ito ang pinagdaraanan usually ng taong nasa isang toxic relationship. Minsan, alam ng iba na nabibilang sila rito. Madalas, it’s sad to say na may mga taong in denial pa rin. Kaya ngayon, para mas klaro sa lahat, alamin natin kung ano nga ba ang toxic relationship.
Ayon sa isang article ng Time.com, “While every relationship goes through ups and downs, Dr. Glass says a toxic relationship is consistently unpleasant and draining for the people in it, to the point that negative moments outweigh and outnumber the positive ones. Dr. Kristen Fuller, a California-based family medicine physician who specializes in mental health, adds that toxic relationships are mentally, emotionally and possibly even physically damaging to one or both participants.”
Ang literal na kahulugan naman ng toxic relationship in Tagalog ay, nakalalason na relasyon. Meaning, hindi nakabubuti sa spiritual, emotional, mental, and even physical health mo. Nakaka-drain ng energy, at madalas, ang inyong masasayang alaala ay natatabunan na ng mga pangit na pangyayari.
To help you better understand kung ano ang nangyayari sa isang toxic relationship, we have here Ms. Lara Quigaman Alcaraz, who once experienced being in a toxic relationship. She shared a few signs you should consider to end the relationship, in one of Beyond Small Talk’s webisodes.
The most important part of this article can be found below, where she also shared tips on how to break free from it.
But before that, alamin muna natin kung ano-ano ang signs.
Sign of toxic relationship #1: Kung mas mahal mo ang karelasyon mo kesa kay LORD.
Now, ask the question, “Do I love the LORD most?” If your answer is no, naku, kabahan ka na. De, joke lang! Basahin mo muna ang number two.
Sign of toxic relationship #2: Kung ang buong buhay mo ay umiikot na sa jowa mo.
Kung dati sweet pakinggan ang, “You are my world,” or, “Hindi ako mabubuhay kung wala ka,” ngayon medyo matakot ka na. Because now, you know that it’s not healthy for someone to let his/her life revolve around one person. Nabuhay ka naman noong wala pa siya, ah. And you also still have your friends, family, career, and most importantly, si LORD. Jealous God pa naman Siya. Kaya payong kaibigan lang, Breaker, ‘wag mo gawing Diyos ang isang tao.
By the way, we’re here for you, ha. If you want to talk about it, feel free to message us. Nilagay namin ang details at the end of this article.
Sign of toxic relationship #3: Kung emotionally abusive na ang relasyon.
Ayon sa Verywellmind.com, “If you feel wounded, frustrated, confused, misunderstood, depressed, anxious, or worthless every time you interact, chances are high that your relationship is emotionally abusive.”
Feeling mo ba ‘di ka na nirerespeto? Palagi ba kayong nag-aaway at nagsisigawan? Bigay ka nang bigay pero wala kang natatanggap? Does he/she demand so much from you, but is always unsatisfied with anything that you do? Do you feel manipulated and controlled? Hindi ka ba niya pinakikinggan, at hindi rin pinahahalagahan ang iyong nararamdaman?
Breaker, kung naranasan mo lahat ito, hindi na ‘yan nadadala sa, “He loves me, he loves me not.” Hindi pamimitas ng petals sa bulaklak ang kailangan mong gawin, you really need to let that person go. For real this time. Gawin mo ito not just for you, but for him/her, too.
End a Toxic Relationship Step #1: Cry out for help from the LORD.
No one will rescue you unless you call for help, Breaker. Alam naman na ni LORD ang kailangan mo, pero you still need to ask Him for help. Sabi pa nga sa Matthew 7:7 (NIV), “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
If you want, you can pray this prayer. This is similar to what Lara prayed when she wanted to end a toxic relationship:
“LORD, I want to get out of this relationship because it’s wrong. Will You please help me? Will You please strengthen me? Make my heart right before You, LORD. Sobra na po akong nasasaktan pero natatakot po ako. Kailangan ko po ang tulong Niyo to guide me, lead me and be with me every step of the way. Hindi ko po ito kayang mag-isa, LORD. I need You now more than ever. Amen.”
End a Toxic Relationship Step #2: Surround yourself with people you can trust.
Sabi pa ni Lara, “You need people who can tell you that it’s wrong, and will do something about it. ‘Yung hindi ka kukunsintihin. Have a life group, or a Bible study group, a group where you can find accountability.”
Nag-share rin si Lara that there was a time when she wanted to go back into the relationship, even after resolving to get out of it. That’s why napaka-importante na may mga tao kang mapagkakatiwalaan, dahil sila ang gagamitin ni LORD para ‘di ka na bumalik sa dati. Mahirap ito kapag mag-isa ka lang, Breaker. You need people who will pray for and with you, para iwas marupok moments.
End a Toxic Relationship Step #3: Make yourself busy by improving yourself.
Though mahirap sa simula, but after some time of ending a toxic relationship, you will feel alive and free. This is what you wanted all along, right? So, gawin mo ang mga bagay na ‘di mo nagawa noong nakulong ka sa isang relasyon. Make yourself busy. You can learn a new hobby, travel alone (but please follow COVID-19 safety regulations), read that dusty book, write and make use of those pens and empty notebooks you bought, volunteer, commit yourself to a ministry, or you can even lead a group! Anything that cultivates and nurtures your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
End a Toxic Relationship Step #4: Be intentional in spending time with the LORD.
Lara also said, “Kailangan maligo tayo sa promises ni LORD. Kailangan we remind ourselves of who we are in God’s eyes.”
As Lara soaked herself sa promises ni LORD, she came across these verses in Romans 8:37-39 (NIV), “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
She then said, “Nothing pala can separate me from the love of Jesus. Hindi ‘yung ginawa kong kasalanan, and it doesn’t matter who I was before.”
“If you think you cannot leave because no one will love you, that is not true. That is a lie because Jesus loves you so much. You just need to set your eyes on Him, set your focus on Him, allow Him to strengthen you to get out of that relationship.”
“Jesus Christ died for you. You are worth dying for,” she added.
Sobrang totoo ito, Breaker. It might seem impossible to get out, but nothing is impossible with the LORD.
“If God was able to take me out of that relationship, He can do the same for you,” Lara concluded.
We acknowledge that this is a hard battle for you, Breaker, that’s why we want to hear from you so we can help you.
Feel free to message us sa 0999-227-1927 or call 0931-805-0802.