It hides under the voice, “Hanggang dito ka na lang. You will never measure up,” o ‘di kaya, “Kasalanan mo ang lahat. They’re better off without you.”
Shame is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging,” according to Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned research professor on shame.
Sobrang sakit that it destroys your perspective about yourself and suffers your ability to build healthy relationships with others.
But the question is, how do you respond to shame when you’re face to face with it?
Here’s how Dr. Brené Brown explains it as cited in the article, Our Responses To Shame by “Habit for Wellbeing” based on Linda Hartling and Jean Baker Miller’s research.
There are 3 behaviors people do when they feel shame – the moving away, the moving toward, and the moving against.
She calls these as shame shields.
Moving away response is when “we withdraw, hide, silence ourselves, and keep secrets.”
You don’t want to talk about it nor confront it. Lahat gagawin mo para maiwasan ito even if it means shutting people off para hindi ito ma-bring up.
The other one is moving towards. “We appease and can become the ultimate people-pleasers.”
Natatakot ka na ma-disappoint ‘yung mga tao sa ‘yo kaya kahit anong ipagawa nila, you will do it, even if it violates your will. Wala kang freedom to choose for yourself because your goal is to belong and to seek their approval.
Moving against is the other behavior. It is when “we try to gain power over others by fighting back and lashing out.”
Aggressiveness is your weapon. Because the other party shamed you, babalikan mo ng violence para hindi ka na masaktan pa lalo.
Nakaka-relate ka ba sa mga ito?
You may have used these strategies to get away from shame and to protect yourself from it. Akala mo ‘yun ang mas makabubuti para sa ‘yo but it’s the total opposite.
You will just be trapped in the shame spiral if you will not tackle it the right way.
What you need is resilience from shame.
“Shame resilience involves moving towards empathy (courage, connection, and compassion) when we are experiencing shame and away from shame (fear, blame, and disconnection),” Habit for Wellbeing explained based on Dr. Brené’s shame resilience theory.
If you do not know where to start, we want to help you overcome shame.
Do not hesitate to text us at 0999-227-1927 or call 8-737-0-777.